42 is the Answer.

Here is a list of every Red Sox pitcher who compiled 20 or more saves from 1997 through 2013.
- Jonathan Papelbon (219)
- Derek Lowe (85)
- Tom Gordon (68)
- Ugueth Urbina (49)
- Heathcliff Slocumb (48)
- Keith Foulke (47)
- Mike Timlin (27)
- Alfredo Aceves (27)
- Tim Wakefield (22)
- Koji Uehara (21)

Note that this list excludes several would-be closers who failed to get to 20 saves:
- Joel Hanrahan (4)
- Andrew Bailey (14)
- Mark Melancon (1)
- Daniel Bard (5)
- Curt Schilling (9)
- Rod Beck (6)
- Butch Henry (6)
- John "Way Back" Wasdin (3)
- Rich "El Guapo" Garces (5)

Here is the same list for the Yankees:
- Mariano Rivera (652)
- Rafael Soriano (44, but only because Rivera tore his ACL last year).

Happy trails, you magnificent bastard.

Seriously, spend some time on Rivera's Baseball Reference page. Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair.

Super Bowl Hype Drive: Naming Wrongs

I'm only going to write this once: it's the Super Bowl, not the Superbowl. It is a bowl that is super. The name was ripped off from the Super Ball, a popular 60s children's toy (which seems ironic given how touchy the NFL is about Super Bowl-related copyright infringement). You'd expect this to be related to the rise of Twitter hashtags, but the pandemic predates the Fail Whale (which, incidentally, is never called the "Failwhale").

I don't get it. No one talks about the "Rosebowl" or the "Worldseries" or the "USOpen" or "Daytona500". Last year's game didn't feature the "Newengland Patriots" and "Newyork Giants". This year's game isn't in "Neworleans". The winner doesn't get the "Vincelombarditrophy".

So please, guys, it's two words, both capitalized. From now on, let's only use "Superbowl" if we're referring to Clark Kent's dishware (shipped with him from Krypton, of course, and able to serve heavy gravies in a single bound), or maybe a really excellent bird of prey.

...a superb owl? Anyone? No?

All right, fine.

Protecting the Investment: The Stephen Strasburg Decision

When I heard that the Washington Nationals had shut down Stephen Strasburg for the season, I thought I had a nice article for Monday all sewn up. I could find pitchers who had had Tommy John surgery, plot their innings in their first full season after the injury, and compare that to their WAR or xFIP over the next five years.

But no, the Nationals insisted, this had nothing to do with his arm but rather his "mental state", so there goes that article.

By pinning the decision on Strasburg's mental state, the Nationals are short-circuiting any number of arguments with the "You-don't-know-what-we-know" card. It's a good card, with shiny foil edges, a limited-edition number on the back, and maybe a piece of a game-used uniform included. If it were an issue with his arm, you could use incomplete data to make quasi-flawed arguments about whether protecting pitchers actually did anything. But his mental state? How can you, mere mortal, possibly claim to know anything about what Strasburg is thinking or feeling? Or at least, how can you claim to know more than the people in the metaphorical trenches with him?

They're Not Booing ... Are They?: The Return of Kevin Youkilis

Kevin Youkilis, "the Greek god of walks", started his professional baseball career as a relative nobody, a late-round flier that surprised everyone to become a hero of the 2007 World Series winners. Over time, though, his star dimmed thanks to injuries and less irritating replacements from Pawtucket. He was recently traded to the White Sox and returns this week to Fenway for the first time since the trade.

What better opportunity for "sources within the Red Sox organization" to besmirch his reputation with a classless character assassination?

Baseball IIINNN SPAAAAAACE!

Baseball's All-Star break is the slowest time on the sports calendar. In fact, these three days are the only days of the year where none of the four major professional sports have games*.

* - Real games. Sorry, Bud, this one still doesn't count.

If you're really -- and I mean REALLY -- desperate for some action you can watch the Home Run Derby. There are two problems with this strategy: first, you have to deal with Chris "Uma" Berman, and second, it's really not that interesting. You'd think a bunch of professional baseball players trying to hit the ball as far as they can would be fun to watch but, let's face it: it gets old after awhile.

There are ways to spice it up, of course, like this clusterfuck the Reading Phillies came up with for the Eastern League All-Star Game.

Or! Or. You could put it on the moon.

Of Course It's About the Money

When announcing the decision to release longtime franchise quarterback Peyton Manning yesterday, Colts owner Jim Irsay insisted the decision was not motivated by money. "In the end, before we ever go into any specifics, it's never been about money. It's never been about those tpe of things," he said.

I didn't see the press conference, but it seems he said this with a straight face.

For those unfamiliar with the situation, Peyton Manning's contract stipulated that the Colts owed him and his laser rocket arm $28 million if he were on the roster on March 8th. We are led to believe, then, that through some epic, earth-shattering coincidence, Manning was released March 7th.

Why lie about it? From a business perspective, the decision is reasonable, and the reasons for it were referenced time and time again in Manning's farewell press conference. Manning has had countless* procedures on his neck in the last year, and may never throw another pass in the NFL. Even if he completes his rehab procedures and suits up once again, the man has been in the league since 1998. Years upon years of vicious hits** take their toll after awhile. At this stage in his career, the great Peyton Manning is morphing into that 1995 Subaru wagon you had in college: no matter how many things you fix, the next breakdown is right around the corner.

The Irsay family is of course infamous for unpopular business decisions compounded by abysmal public relations, but Manning deserves a more honest send-off. With such transparent financial motivations, why not tell the truth? Why not say, "As much as we appreciate everything Peyton Manning has done for the Colts and the city of Indianapolis, this football team is at heart a business with the goal of winning football games. And it makes no sense from that perspective to pay eight figures to a 36 year old*** with a debilitating neck injury who may never throw another pass.

"It's not personal; it's strictly business."
______

*-countless (n): a number I can't be bothered to look up
**-Not including those leveled by bounty hunters.
***-Ok, 35 and 11 months.